5th August 2022 6 min to read


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So you’ve got your Online Dating Profile all set up and you’re ready to go, right? Ok, so what’s next? Here are our top dating tips on how to introduce yourself in Online Dating Sites.

So what exactly is next – well that depends… It is a well-known fact that online dating sites are disproportionately used by men. Some sites cap their male users to maintain a more even distribution of males to females, but that isn’t usually the case.

What it means is this:

Ladies, you’re probably going to get lots of mail.

Men, not so much.

But that’s ok, we’re going to talk through the process of maximizing your chances. Let’s start with the gents because they have lots more work to do in this process.

There is going to be one continuous theme throughout this article, and it’s important for guys especially to understand it: pretend it’s real life. Even though we’re in the cyber realm, the process still proceeds like it would in real-life, with some minor alterations.

(1) Firstly: guys, on the whole, you’re going to initiate proceedings.

Stop complaining, it’s life. Plus, it’s much easier to say hello over the internet than it is in reality-land. So what do you do? Well, you search. Think about what you’re after, and do some searches. How far would you like your ladies to be from you? What age group? Most importantly: are they after long-term relationships? something casual? So you do your search and you get your results.

Click through people’s profiles and find someone you fancy. Keep the following things in mind when introducing yourself to people online:

If you’re not looking for anything serious, don’t hesitate to expand your search to include ‘short-term dating‘, ‘new friends‘ and ‘activity partners‘. Maybe you’ll meet someone who’s new in town and is looking for new friends – and you can meet a whole new circle just from that.

(2) Further, ’short-term dating’ can sometimes mean ‘casual encounter’.

The same works for people looking for more serious relationships. Don’t worry too much about it at this stage, you never know what’s going to happen when you meet someone. It really is a waste of time to stress out too much at these early phases. If you find someone that fascinates you, and you like what they’ve written about in their profile, then say hello. You can work out your aims and objectives in due course if you think you might want to meet them.

(3) Now you’ve found someone you like, great. READ THEIR PROFILE.

Seriously read your potential mates online dating profile, read it, read it twice, read it three times if you have to. Get a taste of what they’re into. What they like to do, what they’re saying about themselves. Use it diagnostically to get to ‘know’ this person.

Especially important: find something you have in common, or something that interests you. You will use this when you initiate contact with them, it opens up a conversation. For example:

You see that someone has similar music tastes to you on their profile. This can be a preliminary topic of conversation. You’re subject line might be: I can’t believe you also like the Kinks!! Notice that subject line has nothing to do with a relationship. It has nothing to do with sex. It’s simply a conversation starter – same as in real life.

In a bar, party, or other social occasion, you do not walk up to a member of the opposite sex and say: Would you consider me more a ’short-term dating’ prospect, or just an ‘activity partner’? In real life you start with ‘hello’. With chit chat about commonalities. Well it’s the same in cyber-land. It is a non-invasive, friendly way to start a communication thread with someone. And the best way to be effective at getting someone’s attention is to READ THEIR PROFILE carefully.

(4) Another tip for guys: do not proposition ladies: Hey I think you’re hot, wanna have sex with me? does not work. We mean it, it really doesn’t.

It doesn’t work in the bar, it didn’t work at school, and it doesn’t work on the internet. Replacing ‘beautiful’ for ‘hot’ doesn’t change things.

The internet is a great way to meet people quickly, it’s a great way to cut out many of the steps in a traditional courtship type of situation, but it does not throw away all rules of etiquette and propriety.

There is a real-life person sitting on the other side of that computer screen, and they’re getting about 25 emails a day (if they have an attractive profile-picture up much much more) and a great majority of them are propositions for sex. Be different. You need to be the person she actually responds to.

There are two steps involved in this element of introducing yourself to people online:

Do not sit around thinking maybe they haven’t read it, or maybe they deleted it by accident. Restrain yourselves, and keep your paranoia in check. Also, do not take it personally. Just spend more time doing searches, reading profiles and saying hello to different people.

If you find you’re not getting any responses at all, then make alterations. Perhaps your profile isn’t very enticing. Perhaps the emails you’re sending are dull or boring. We suggest actually writing something more than ‘Hey, I noticed you like the Kinks, I do too’. Write a few paragraphs, either about yourself, or better yet, with regards to this thing you have in common.

Always end with an open-ended question so the person on the other side has something concrete to respond to. For example, ‘I like the Kinks, but I really really am crazy about the Monkeys, I’m curious to know how you feel about them?’ This makes it very easy for someone to respond to you.

(5) Ok, so you’ve identified some people you like. Whats next…?

You’ve read their profiles thoroughly and gotten to know a little bit about them. You’ve taken the time to write them a quirky/funny/personalized email. A bunch of people have outright ignored you. No problem, that’s life. But you keep at it, and guess what? Someone responds! It really is a great moment when it happens. Someone, somewhere in the world has read your email, and looked at your profile and bothered to write back. What next?

Well, they probably answered your open-ended question. They’ve given you more information to work with, now you can write them again. Maybe they mentioned some completely new topic of conversation, you can follow that lead if you like.

There is still no requirement whatsoever to discuss a relationship. Or a meeting. It is just like real life, you’re just talking, getting a feel for one another. There is no need to remind people why you are online, it is implicit in the interaction.

If you are on an online dating site, speaking to someone who is also on a dating site, there is an implied understanding of why you are having that conversation. So just enjoy getting to know people for now. We’ll take it to the next level in our next article.

BONUS: Hey Ladies!

Ladies, you may be thinking how you fit into this online dating chat, right?

Well it’s easy: make your online dating profile great. Make it fun and provide lots of details. Movies you like, music you’re into are great as conversation starters. Include places you have travelled to (or would like to go to), activities you enjoy.

Remember to always be honest, because you will attract people who are into the same sorts of things as you, and that’s great!

Many women prefer not to say hello but just to send a rose/wink and let the man then introduce themselves. That’s fine too, but the same rule applies: do not give in to temptations to constantly email the same person. Just once is enough. If after a few months you haven’t heard anything, you might want to try again, but don’t make a habit of it!

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